Short Funny Quotes

All of us want to have fun. Do you know why? Man cannot do live without fun. Many of our blog readers have ask me about fun and funny quotes...

All of us want to have fun. Do you know why? Man cannot do live without fun. Many of our blog readers have ask me about fun and funny quotes and funny love quotes.

By regarding their queries I have create this categories, Funny quotes and funny love quotes and I have collect top funny love quotes of the world from various kinds of authors of the world. For collecting short funny quotes, I have included funny friendship quotes, funny movie quotes, funny quotes and sayings and famous funny quotes.
Before reading short funny love quotes, I want to discuss about fun.

Fun is the basic part of entertainment which is one of our basic needs. But what does this mean, exactly?

 

 

When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.

_ Saul Bellow

 

If you can’t get someone out of your head, .. Then maybe they are supposed to be there. 

_ Anonymous

 

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

_ BILLY SUNDAY

 

If it's the fifth day in a row that you don't feel like working, it means it's finally Friday!

_ Anonymous

 

If she were a president, she’d be Baberham Lincoln.

_ Garth Brooks

 

When you fall asleep tonight, I’m gonna fart in your face.

_ Donnie Darko

 

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

_ Henny Youngman

 

Don’t knock on death’s door. Hit the doorbell and run. He hates that.

_ Anonymous

 

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

_ EMO PHILIPS

 

“If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for.”

_ Amit Kalantri

 

“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.”

_ Rodney Dangerfield

 

Hurricanes are like women: when they come, they're wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car.

_ Anonymous

 

 

"There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments."

_ Chris Rock

 

 

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

_ Ron White

 

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.

_ MARK RUSSELL

 

 

You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!

_ Anonymous

 

“If sex were shoes, I'd wear you out. But I wouldn't wear you out in public.”

_ Jarod Kintz

 

“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”

_ Phyllis Diller

 

 

May your coffee be strong and your Monday be short.

_ Unknown

 

I stretch my arms, I bend my knees, I straighten my neck, and they are all crunching. Conclusion: I'm not getting older, I'm getting more crunchy.

_ Anonymous

 

 

I’m gonna go take a hot shower. It’s like a normal shower, but with me in it.

_ Unknown

 

“Well, then, Otter, of course I don’t like Bundt cake. It has eggs in it. Baby chicken eggs. You don’t see chickens standing outside of maternity wards waiting to get our babies to make their Bundt cake, do you?”

_ T.J. Klune

 

“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”

_ Winston S. Churchill

 

I have no further use for America. I wouldn't go back there even if Jesus Christ was president.

_ Charles "Charlie" Chaplin

 

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."

_ Groucho Marx

 

If you teach your children nothing else, teach them the Golden Rule and "righty-tighty, lefty-loosey."

_ Robert Brault

 

 

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

_ Buddy Hackett

 

War is God's way of teaching Americans about geography.

_ Ambrose Bierce

 

 

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

_Groucho Marx

 

Some people are like Slinky’s. Pretty much useless but make you smile when you push them down the stairs.

_ Anonymous

 

 

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas."

_ Claude Pepper

 

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

_ Anonymous

 

Sydney Andrews Mancini Fields: We're perfect for each other. Don't you get it?
Dr. Michael Mancini: Get this, Sydney. You are one stupid slut who's crossed the line and I don't want to see your face anymore.
Sydney Andrews Mancini Fields: Jane warned me about how cranky you get in the morning.

_ Melrose Place

 

 

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas."

_ Claude Pepper

 

 

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

_ Anonymous

 

Sydney Andrews Mancini Fields: We're perfect for each other. Don't you get it?
Dr. Michael Mancini: Get this, Sydney. You are one stupid slut who's crossed the line and I don't want to see your face anymore.
Sydney Andrews Mancini Fields: Jane warned me about how cranky you get in the morning.

_ Melrose Place

 

USA Today has come out with a new survey. Apparently three out of every four people make up 75 percent of the population.

_ Dave Letterman

 

"I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?"

_ Jean Illsley Clarke

 

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

_Rodney Dangerfield

 

If women love you for your smell alone, you don't have to waste time developing a personality or good looks or smartness.

_ Anonymous

 

 

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

_ Anonymous

 

 

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

_ McBride Bloch

 

Man was predestined to have free will.

_ Hal Lee Luyah

 

Dear friends, I have tried to collect the best funny short quotes for you. Hope you will enjoy this quotes.

Oh yes don’t forget to share this to your friends on facebook, twitter and google plus.